I’ve Lost it

I seem to spend half my life looking for things. Nowadays it’s mainly my USB wire, the small USB wires that fit in to digital cameras and portable recorders. This is the problem with everything getting smaller. Perhaps in the future (which is apparently imminent), we will have all these necessary technological components built in and attached to the human anatomy. For men it’s obvious. We could have our penis shaped into a USB plug, or if you’re really lucky a firewire plug, Then we’d never lose our valuable information again. I suppose we could extend this idea further by giving females USB or firewire sockets. This would certainly revolutionise sex. Perhaps this is the way forward. Instead of all the messy nonsense we have to put up with in these less enlightened days, in the future sex will simply be a transference of binary numbers between male and female. This makes perfect genetic sense too. In reproductive terms, the X and Y gene would take on an ascribed binary value. You see, I’ve thought it all through. I can see a Nobel Peace prize coming my way.

Rather than men worrying about the size of their penis, the main concern now will be how much data their penis can store and the speed of the data transfer. Of course, we’d have to have a universal system in place in order for this to work otherwise it could get very complex. Let’s just say for instance some men are fitted with a USB penis that is only USB1 compatible, resulting in a rather slow data transfer in comparison to their high-speed USB2 counterparts. Plus let’s just say that a USB endowed man meets a firewire lady. The two would be sexually incompatible. I suppose there’s also the problem of which operating system to use. Windows? The last thing you want to have to do during sex is run to the main frame to press control alt delete and then wait to send Bill Gates an error report containing all your details about the night’s activities. If your sex computers fully go down (excuse the potential euphemism) and become totally unusable then it may be a little embarrassing to call up technical support. The last thing you want during sex is to have some technical support guy in India asking you whether you’ve tried turning your woman off and then back on again.

OK so granted, I’ve got a bit of work to do before this is fully implemented but give it a few years and I think we’ll have all the various issues ironed out. IN the meantime if any open source developers or beta testers would like to come forward to help this project then that would be great. We’ll even upload five free MP3 albums to your genitals for your troubles, o and what the hell, you can have ten free polyphonic ring tones too. We’ll even give you WIFI connectivity in case you’re in a long distance relationship.

Anyway, I better go and actually try and find this USB cable rather than wasting time writing this nonsense. Byeeee!

P.S. I’ve just realised reading this back that I might have inadvertently upset homosexuals. Fear not, my firmware upgrade will address your concerns, plus from now on I’ll insert connections at both ends of the body. I apologise for any offence and/or inconvenience my initial beta release may have caused. Phew!

 
 

My First Post. (Wow! what a Title)

Right, so, how to start? Yes that’ll do, that’s how I’ll start. There’s no point starting too brilliantly because then you’ve got nothing to build on. Surely, I can’t fail but to build on this first couple of sentences. I’ve given myself plenty of room for improvement. What a clever blogger I am.

Wow! My first paragraph in blog world or the blogosphere as it’s apparently known. O yes, I have done my research. You didn’t think I would just go into this whole blogging thing with no clue about what I’m doing, did you? I have conducted meticulous research into how to create the perfect blog. I am merely easing you in gently, separating the men from the boys (purely to ascertain who can handle my amazing pros, you understand; not for any dodgy reasons. I wouldn’t want you thinking that I was separating the men from the boys for anything sinister).

My research comprised me reading a number of articles about how to create an interesting and successful blog. All of the blogs I read claimed that one of the most important components to creating an interesting blog was originality. Ironically, I read this helpful hint on all the blogs, I read, which somewhat undermines the point, as the blogs became less original and less interesting the more I read. Now I’ve gone and perpetuated that same old advice further by mentioning it in my blog. Still, if anyone has stumbled across this blog by doing a search for “how to create an interesting and successful blog”, then I’m sure they’ll have realised by now that this is the perfect source for all they desire to know. Simply read and learn my friend.

One problem I have discovered since I started writing this blog post, is that Microsoft Word’s spell checker does not recognise the word blog, and tries to change the word “blog” to “bog”. I wonder how many reckless bloggers have hit autocorrect on the spell checker, not bothering to check their work back before sending to the blogosphere. Perhaps someone was too embarrassed to admit their carelessness and decided that, rather than suffer the condemnation of fellow bloggers – the blogosphere can be quite a harsh and cruel place apparently – they would instead create a bog blog. Perhaps they would go around sampling toilet flushes, taking pictures of various toilets both public and private and recounting (perhaps even inventing) toilet anecdotes just to cover up their initial mistake. I suppose this person might have called these toilet anecdotes lavastories. The creator of the bog blog would even go so far as to change his name to Allan and undergo agonising and dangerous plastic surgery to shape him in to a dice. All this just to substantiate his new nickname, Cubic Al. O and he’d obviously relocate to Looton. At first Allan was amazingly keen to update his bog blog, in fact he made it his number one priority. Sadly though, after a while he started to lose interest and he found it more and more difficult to release his creative juices, in fact he would really struggle sometimes to come out with anything at all. He really had to faucet.
Anyway, before this post goes totally down the swanny, I’ll bid you farewell and leave you with this
link to a website that contains many colloquialisms for the word “toilet”.

The blogosphere has evolved!